When Worlds Collide

First off, a huge congratulations full of love to Katy and Stu for the arrival of Brooks Michael! He is seriously the handsomest little man ever. Welcome to the family Brooks!

This is him and his Cousin Taylor meeting for the first time... obviously an instant connection!

...and beautiful Mawmaw holding great-grandbaby #2!

Other than this amazing new addition who was born the day before Mother's day...

I was without my mom for the second Mother's day in a row. It's so hard to make it through special days like that, but grace always comes through. I have a great variety of bonus moms from around here that help ease the pain just a little, but no one can truly fill the void in my heart for my one and only mom. I have grown to truly appreciate the amazing woman that she is and come to realize how much I just really can't live without her.

We close on our house this Thursday and it just can’t come soon enough.

Church is awesome… the details are new every week but still the same. We are in our seventh week and are running 700 on average, and about 1300 between both branches. Music is going well, we’ve been conducting some auditions and I’ve been taking some Wednesdays off from singing here and there to give my voice a break. Before every service we do a full run through and sound check so when you add up Saturday’s service, Sunday mornings, Sunday night youth service and Wednesday nights, I am singing 10 sets a week… ouch! My voice is definitely feeling it after six weeks! Mondays I try to go on as much voice rest as possible. I have become an avid user of Entertainers Secret which is a vocal lubricant that has drastically changed how I sing and approach each set. Dad used it at one time a while ago. Then, back a few months ago during the period that Josh and Rebecca Smallbone (St. James) were dating, we all hung out several weekends in a row there for a while she and I had formed a friendship. One day she was at practice with us and reminded me about it. Until then I had totally forgot all about it. So anyways, I recommend it to any and all vocalists. It tastes like crap but it is well worth it.

I’ve had a rough few weeks just trying to deal with the chaos that seems to loom over a certain part of my world in Texas. It is very hard to process thoughts and feelings on matters that are very relevant to my life, but that are a thousand miles away. The best way I can explain it is that I have two worlds that I am trying to merge into one, and I have not yet figured out how it is really supposed to work, or what it even looks like. I have one world in Texas which holds all of my history, memories, and the dearest people in the world to me, and then I have Illinois which is the smaller world, but not any less important. If anything, Illinois and my world here is on the fast track to becoming just as full of life and memories. My life here, even though based in a smaller town, has proven to be so much greater than anything I have ever known before. It took me by surprise… I get paid to live my dream, which is so much bigger than me… hopefully never find me complaining. However, finding the balance between my two worlds has proven to be a more difficult task than I thought it would be. When I find these two worlds colliding I have found an overwhelming long stream of emotions and thoughts, all of which feel almost impossible to explain. As chaos and tragedy strikes those that I love in Texas I feel just removed enough to not be sure how to respond, but I feel just connected enough to know that I must do something. I find that most of the time I am just as confused as I am broken, and just as broken as I am frustrated. I think I have found a good and healthy place to rest… no, I know I have. My heart is a little unsettled and my mind is pretty restless these days, but I am confident in the fact that I have done what I can and am right where I need to be. I am still resilient.

I don't really have too many new pictures. We have literally been so busy lately that I don't have time to stop and take pictures, but things will settle after youth camp in June and updates will hopefully come more frequently.

Love the ones I miss and miss the ones I love...